Battle Hymn of the Republic- But not like you probably think.

Battle Hymn of the Republic, Arr. Wilhousky, Sung by the MoTab

        No everyone- this is NOT a patriotic post. I love our country, am grateful for our liberties, the opportunities it affords us etc. etc- but that post will have to come around in 349 days. This is about devotion to a different source.
        I have done this with two separate, but very different choirs. The first was under American Festival up in Logan with Craig Jessop conducting- very cool experience. About 3-400 people in that choir, and it was the end of our patriotic concert- definitely power. Craig Jessop- despite being a world renowned conductor, and a fabulous human being- is a patriot. He got his start in the Air Force band folks! We could tell how much the song meant to him, and it bled over to our interpretation of it. The second time was a few years later in an auditioned church choir. Latter Day Voices WAS doing a patriotic concert- but the focus was much more on the religious aspect of it.(kinda what I am going to focus on today- if it's not your thing, feel free to stop here) A different experience for sure- more intimate- I felt connected to each and every member of the choir and more to the conductor because of our personal relationship. Kinda the difference between being a member of an army versus a .....little army? A platoon? A corp? I just love how militant the drums and the trumpet sound at the beginning. As a side hobby, I've always been kind of fascinated by military history. Where I grew up in Maryland has a ton of Civil War battle sites near by, and my mom got me into historical fiction...novels doesn't do them justice....there were 7 books, about 500 pages each....epics I suppose...about the revolutionary war. Which brings us to today's very, very extended and someone stretched, gospel to music to real life analogy time with Sarah.
       Thinking back on previous wars during sacrament meeting today(which, confession, is where I usually write these blogs) I realized something: the colonials won because we used guerrilla warfare- the north happened to win relatively soon after we let African American's join the army- we got our butts handed to us in Vietnam because again- the guerrilla warfare thing...and the land mine thing....and the child soldier thing...but analyzing all of those together we find out- the side that is willing to use the unconventional soldier usually wins. But what is an unconventional soldier?
      Easier to define, and better fitting to the analogy right now is the conventional soldier. So, a story. Once upon a summer, I worked at a boyscout camp. We showed up for staff week (a poorly disguised labor camp of a week with ditch digging, log hauling etc) with our grubbiest clothes on- all except for one teen aged staff boy. He arrived with a spotless uniform, with a sash that was decked out in an almost ridiculous amount of boyscout merit badges. Nicknames were quickly made and thrown around that week. I was Mom- we had Sunshine, Grumpy, Sugar Face, Lil' Jon. But this kid was the only one to pick out his own nickname- he wouldn't answer to anything but Patches. It was obvious this young man thought of himself as "The Super Scout". But as the summer wore on, his lack of obedience, leadership, and any social skills at all, made it obvious that the patches on their own didn't add up to much.
     Now, it might seem like I am ragging on this kid- but I TOTALLY get him. "What?" cries the inner Sarah, "An accomplishment that can be recognized and admired by everyone?! Sign me up!!" "An opportunity to display an experience or accomplishment or piece of knowledge I have that most people don't!?! Dibs."I get the driving need for recognizable, measurable accomplishments. Many of the people I admire most in my life have these- multiple degrees. A tiny waist and the perfect wardrobe to boot. The dream job, at a ridiculously young age. Patch, patch, patch, and the same as at camp worthless without the values that should go behind them. Now! I am not saying that all conventional soldiers are bad. I live in Utah y'all......I could tell you a gosh darn thing or two about a conventional soldier( I was an EFY counselor for crying out loud). The Relief Society president who seems to always be happy. The home teacher who comes on the first of the month. Bishops, Institute teachers- but the titles aren't what makes them awesome. I've had many bad teachers, bishops, presidents and home teachers. But when they have the love to back it up- that makes them 'the perfect soldier'.
    Now back to that revolutionary war analogy. During the 1770s- there was a very established (very European) fighting method. You recognized both sides by their uniforms, the officers by their extra regalia, and when it was time to fight each other, you found a nice open field, made nice lines, and shot each other. When the dust cleared, the ones still alive would go to the back of the line to reload and do it all again...kind of like an assembly line of death. But the Indians had taught us camouflage- fire, duck and run, always under cover of forrest or brush. The British even provided us with neat targets, with there uniforms cross straps, directly over a kill spot on their chests. In the revolutionary war we were outmanned, outgunned, outclassed, out-resourced....but we won because there was a new method of fighting. The unconventional soldiers won the day.
      Now to unravel the analogy- every time I hear songs like this one, or Onward Christian Soldiers or See the Mighty Priesthood Gathered or We are all enlisted- I love thinking of the army of God. I get chills thinking of millions of people, across generations and even just in our time- rallying in complete devotion to our cause- that right will prevail. God certainly needs his generals, his ranks and ranks of uniformed, unified soldiers- his bishops, his EFY counselors, but that CAN NOT BE ALL HE HAS!!!    Satan's host are as varied as the lies he tells them to get them to join his cause. A fight against that with nothing but Molly Mormons and Peter Priesthoods would fare no better than the British did against their lot of colonial rabble. We need people with different backgrounds, maybe a habit or two they are still trying to break. Think Al Fox, the "Tattooed Mormon". Think Josh Weed, who came out on his blog, saying he was LDS, happily married to a beautiful wife....and gay. The enemy is getting sneaky- we need these people. The girl who can't take the sacrament, but comes every week anyway. The man who is deep in the thralls of a pornography addiction, but finds the humility to stick with what he knows is true, and the courage to go to a 12 step addiction meeting. Think of the lone remaining member in a family who has fallen away- who to appease his mother says he's going to soccer on Sundays, while sneaking his church clothes in his bag to catch the last little bit of Sunday school and go to sacrament meeting when he can (I've met all these people. They are amazing.) These are God's guerrilla warriors- and they are so important!! Don't try to force them into uniform when they aren't ready- these are peoples who were prisoners of war in the enemy camp, maybe some of them even fought willingly- but didn't Alma the younger? We NEED them!
     Please understand me. I am not encouraging a lack of devotion- we can afford no Benedict Arnolds. I am not excusing compliance, for failure to do our best would drive us to defeat as sure as out and out surrender. But these people ARE DOING THEIR BEST!!! This is the face we should present to converts!! You don't need to be perfect right now- we appreciate everyone. We BELIEVE in improvement, variety, CONVERSION! These are the people we need right now.

Now I know this is one of the longest blogs I've written, but I've felt for a while it was needed.  Stay with me a little longer- I want to tell another story, this one- actually completely to music. Click on the link on the top, and 'picture this, if you will.'

(The drum/ trumpet intro)
                    You step into the center of town- people are crowding       
        around a poster- draft orders. Your blood runs cold.
        You knew this day was coming- but you had always thought 
        you'd be older....more prepared. Now it is, you guess.
(Mine eyes have seen....)
                  Decisions are made. Of course you go. All around town, 
       bags are packed, families left with wishes of safe return.
       A scared hope for a good outcome of the war is mixed with 
        anxiety and fear, as everyone moves out. 
(I have seen him in the watch fires)
                People are sorted into their separate camps. Training 
      begins! As inadequate as you feel, you are grateful for 
      your comrades in arms- a certain, esprit de corp is felt. 
       Together, you are being trained to handle the threat; you 
      are becoming soldiers. (In my head, this looks like various      
      scenes from Glory, and different firesides/ Sunday schools  
      I've been to)
(He has Sounded forth the trumpet) 
               At last, time for the first battle! You feel as ready as 
      you'll ever be. There is a certain buzz of excitement as 
      your group falls into ranks- you knew that their were other 
      camps, other groups training....but this many? This 
      organized? How can you loose? The captain takes the stand 
      to make his speech before it all begins.
(In the Beauty)
              An eerie silence now- we remember the odds that are stacked    
      against us- and all of this seems impossible, and maybe 
      a bit ridiculous. The commander of the entire army leads
     you in quiet prayer, reminds you the stakes of what you are 
     fighting for.....and sounds the charge....
(Let us live to make men free!)
             Our training takes over...march. Take care of your brothers.
     We fight in perfect formation, uniformed and unified. But 
     as we march slowly, ducking and weaving through the ranks, 
     the guerrilla warriors RUN. Their training has been  
     different. Some go out to try to capture and convert enemy       
     soldiers and captains. Some to undermine his propaganda. But 
     they all run, fearlessly to do their duty to the cause. 
(Glory glory hallelujah!) 
     Picture a slow motion, time lapse battle scene. Clashes are 
     ferocious, but you are well trained. Like the end of every
     great war movie ever, fighting fades to text over the 
     screen, explaining how the battle was valiantly fought and 
     bravely won.
(Amen)
     Victorious, we rally back around our commander, who reminds 
     us the battle is won, but the war rages on.....are we ready  
     for the next day? He is answered with a mighty, vaguely 
     Spartan sounding, roar of victory and approval.  
       

"There Will Be Rest"

There Will Be Rest- Frank Tichelli

 About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. People ask me all the time what that means. And whether it has medication. It doesn't- and usually I tell them to look it up. But overall- it means that the person tends to see things in stark black and white and has issues connecting to people, leading to very tumultuous relationships. They tend to have some kind of self harming behavior. When I say oversensitive......I've had many people describe this/me differently. Some people just say I come off as over dramatic- no...it does actually feel like my world is falling apart a lot of the time. I had a roommate say she reminded me of a fairy- so small I could only feel one emotion at a time, but I felt it really big!! I had a friend who knew enough about me and how I struggled with different things, and he would play real or not real with me (If the reference is lost on you.....move out from under your rock and read the hunger games). Usually the way I perceive things isn't quite true.....and is rather off in fact. No. That look doesn't mean that person hates you. That phrase does not mean your teacher has given up on you and thinks you will never succeed. No. One wrong note does not mean your musical career is over. And no. Practicing til midnight and stressing yourself into ulcer territory will help neither you nor the choir you direct. Just.....lots of extremes. Think of the times you think of extreme emotions- (More parable time!!)

• You wake up to a beautiful morning. Stretching and feeling at peace with the world, you roll over to look at your alarm clock....which tells you, you should have been at work an hour ago.
• You indulge in gossip about a mutually disliked person with your friend over text, only to look down and realize you sent said text to said disliked person!!
• You forget your words during a performance or work presentation.
• The feeling of being laughed at.
• Being forced to work closely with someone you know doesn't think very highly of you.
• Your significant other of a relationship you've invested in, and made plans for sits you down to tell you how wonderful you are....and how they don't deserve you and so are going to end this before any one gets hurt, it's not you it's them!!!!...etc. etc. etc.
•  You get an email about a lost scholarship, job, or a dismissal from a program.
• You drop (or loose) something expensive) 
• You get a call saying someone you love is in the hospital  

Granted I am focusing on negative examples- you've never seen happy til you've seen me surrounded by friends, comfortable and at a party. You've never seen proud til you see me after a performance I'm happy with (they're few and far between) or with a group of my EFY girls, who I seem to be proud of no matter what. You've never seen in love til you've seen me in the first few weeks of a new relationship (or with Jon when we are particularly, disgustingly in love...it happens.) But in the past few months I've had quite a few of the negatives happen to me. And what takes MOST people to emotional extremes, takes me to....very very dark places I don't like talking about. I would bundle all of these experiences into a feeling called angs-iety. (Get it? Angst and Anxiety? Ba-dum-ch!) If your a color person, I see these as a....dirty, muddy greyish, brownish black. Like oil. It just sticks to you. As a feeling- its when your stomach drops, and then tries to tie itself in knots. Ok! More parables. 

Analogy/Parable 1

         Did you ever play the floor is llava as a kid? You jump from piece of furniture to piece of furniture, (probably making your mother feel a bit of angs-iety for your safety and the safety of her decor) because suddenly the floor, your foundation is no longer safe. Your options are limited, and some evil sibling has moved all the furniture to the other side of the room- leaving you stranded. You look down at your 'island'....and think "Whelp. I'm gonna have to get comfortable here." That's what it is like to be drowning in angs-iety....you really see no way out.

Analogy/Parable 2

     Angs-iety is to my heart, what the sun is to a grape. There is almost a physical sensation of tension and....wrinkling. And then you have a raisin. No way to get back what you once had.

How do you make a raisin back into a grape? In real life....I'm pretty sure you can't. In analogy land- choir music. I have songs where, again there is almost a physical sensation of relaxation- massaging away the wrinkles and stress and tension of every day angs-iety....and even not so every day angs-iety. Think Dirait On. How Can I Keep from Singing. Vinea Mea, Barber's Agnus Dei, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring, and the song I have a link to at the top of the page. I had a very close friend call me this week and tell me about.....angs-iety causing situations that no one should have to deal with it.....especially someone like....my friend. I anguished over it. I wanted to make them the promise that this song makes me....that there will be rest....everything will be ok. I wanted them to feel this sensation of *rub rub rub rub* ping! And the raisin is a grape again!! Like nothing ever happened! 

Another sensation that I want to describe that applies both to the song and the situation I would call..... defiance. Power. Strength. Capability.

• You get done with a really hard workout, and feel on top of the world
• You get an A in the class that you thought would be the death of you.
• That teacher/authority figure who thought you would never amount to much is forced to admit your progress.
• In an argument, in which you know you are defending the cause of right, you are blessed with what words to say to verbally smite your opponent into admitting your correctness.
• Every time you hear the Pokemon theme song(...maybe that one is just me)

Whenever I feel this, I picture myself as Wolverine, standing in the corner of the ring, and my claws just burst out. In songs, this would be Gaudete,  Didn't My Lord Deliver Daniel, Salmo 150, and O Fortuna. You get whispers of this in "There Will Be Rest", at the part where the author swears that "he will make this world of his devising, out of a dream." Another feeling I wish I some how could have communicated to my friend. You feel down and out right now- like a raisin- like you are abandoned on your chair of an island in the middle of a sea of lava, angs-iety. But there will come a moment, after you have been comforted, after the rub rub rub sensation, where you will feel powerful again. Where you will make your world of your devising, rather than being victim to circumstances and the choices of others. And you will put on your lava-resistant full body swim suit and go find and enact retribution on that stupid sibling who moved the furniture. 

Anyway- just some ramblings. More for me than for any one else. But if your reading this tell me- what makes you feel anxious, or powerful? What pushes you to your extremes?

                 

Water Night- Poetry and Parables

        So.....it's been a while. Let's ignore that shall we? Because it would take far too long to update you on everything that has happened in this year and a half. I was an EFY counselor. I transferred to UVU. Still happy as a music major and choir nerd- the end!
           I thought I should focus more on my choir nerdi-ness in this blog, seeing as how the title is a Daniel Gawthrope song etc. Also- it's really easy for me to tie every day life into choir. Many people ask me why I changed from musical theater to choir nerd, and to this I say, I'm still a stage nerd at heart, but choir offers something different. It focuses more on music, and less on silly things like dance and acting(just kidding- I love those). It allows you to be a perfectionist- why spend a night cleaning up act 1, when you can spend those 4 hours on a bar or two? Getting them exactly right? Also- musical theater confines you to a character. It tells you your motivation, your thought process, your character. For me- choir songs tend to give an emotion, a mantra, a thought. Something much easier to stretch, and apply to yourself. You don't have to change to fit your character- your can change your song to fit you.
After our last Christmas concert, the our choir teacher Dr. Criddle asked us to do a review of the semester- what is a musical moment you were proud of? What are your musical goals for next semester? And then, almost as an afterthought, he asked us to list one or two songs that it would "make our lives if we got to perform them."Most people gave him one or two- I gave him twenty. (See afore mentioned nerdi-ness) None of them were picked, but I loved every song we did this semester, and had done all but two of them before- so I approved of the set list anyway.

        When announcing the pieces he had picked, Dr Criddle made a joke about people's wish lists, and how he had never seen so many spellings of "Whitacre". (The perfectionist in me demands that you all know that I spelled it right.) He then asked us to pull out Whitacre's Water Night.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3rRaL-Czxw

        And the voice in my head went "Really? Really? This is cliche Whitacre. Why not a boy and a girl? Why not Lux Aurumque or Five Hebrew Love Songs or Leonardo or When David Heard? Water Night? It feels disjointed, and the words are nonsensical!! ( I am a lyrics person- this is insulting) But I set about learning my soprano- soprano two- middle soprano two- just sing this note in this sixteen women's part cluster- part. One day someone came out and asked Dr Criddle what the words meant. And in TYPICAL Dr. C. teaching style, he asked, "Well, what do you think it means? Go through it this time, decide what it means to you." After that run through, singers gave very different responses. I couldn't really tell what I thought, because rather than a neatly verbalized, single word emotion- I got a scene. A scenario. Shortly- it's the feeling you get when you've been bawling your eyes out and you just...stop. All of a sudden- there is no need to cry any more. Nothing has changed, but you know things will be OK. That's not what went through my head- just a quick way to describe it. This is what actually went through my head. If you like, think of it as a parable.

Picture yourself in Sendai Japan- March 2011. The 

hurricane has just come and gone. Your walking along a

beach that was once familiar, but is now alien, both for the

presence of the wreckage and the lack of any one else- an 

absence of life. You are totally alone and the world around

you is in ruins, but you are alright- unhurt and empty. And

perhaps feeling a bit of survivors guilt. 

With communications being down, you have no idea what you are

supposed to DO right now- so you sit on the beach and just look.

In contrast to the normal white beaches, blue sky and 

darker blue sea, everything is now shades of gray. The wind continues to blow- but since there is nothing to do at this point- no where left to hide, no one left to join to for emotional support- despite the threatening storm,

you continue to sit and look....at nothing. 

All just dull grey, angry, empty sky.

 When suddenly, behind the clouds you see flickers of light.

Distant lightning? How about fireworks? Distress signals? Stars?

 A nuclear reaction. How about magic? You smile as ideas run through 

your head, and it becomes rather apparent you have no idea 

what these lights are- but you don't need to. They are pretty. 

They are a break from all the grey. Beauty in the midst of discord,

 and all the more beautiful for the destruction that surrounds it.

 After a few minutes they stop- nothing is different, 

except the way you feel. Despite the whipping winds, and sounds of what structures remain creaking in groaning in protest of

 this second coming storm- because these lights exist, everything will be alright. As grey fades to black, you walk away- to DO something. 

          At the moment the song says "If You Open Your Eyes, Night Opens doors of musk"- to me it felt like a crash, what was supposed to be seen as an impressive point of arrival- the last few moments of an exhausting storm. The next few lines were my favorite "And if you close your eyes"...the harmonies and dissonances made me see the flickering lights EVERY TIME. Just a feeling of- not technical resolution- but maybe things would be OK eventually. And it's immediately followed by the "Si-lent and BEAU-ti-ful CUR-rent" (beautiful accent work) that to me just felt like the wind, pushing you forward- the tide just....pushing... progressing....that time marches on even when your not ready. 

      Some people would just say- Sarah, that's called the eye of a storm. And I would say- not quite. This is the aftermath- no one expects you to be OK during the eye of the storm- no one expects you to do anything. What I have learned after some .......really rather serious storms that I've weathered recently, it's the aftermath where you have to look around and you are distraught by all the (what seems at the time) permanent changes in your life. You wallow for a bit- in the lack of communication, schedule, resource....the lack of NORMALCY. But eventually you get bored, and you begin to wander aimlessly. But in the overwhelming midst of nothing, in the lack of everything you are used to, you see flashes of light. Moments that are actually promises that everything will be OK. A line of music that speaks to your soul. Flicker. In the midst of a fight, a verbal sparring match- to just stop and breath and lean your heads together, so that for a second, you feel CONNECTED. Flash.  A friend calls- for once you are not the one who needs to unburden your soul- for once you are the one who is NEEDED. Sparkle. Your laptop power cord snaps ("Wow. Now I REALLY have nothing to do but wallow in darkness") and an unexpected tax return gives you just enough to buy a new one. Oooh. Ahhh. In the midst of a crisis of faith- wondering what it is you KNOW and what it is that you have just been told so often that it's a part of you whether you agree with it or not- to realize God loves you. To cling to that with every scrap of strength and faith and tenacity you possess- that is not a flash of light. That is a lantern- a gift, a miracle....a tool. With which you can go DO things.

Frocks, French and food

Well- as an answer to the title question, my sister. Red sat me down a year ago and was like, LOOK AT THIS!! FRENCH PEOPLE SINGING, DANCING AND DOING PARKOUR! And I was like, silly Marin- parkour is for suicidal boys, not performers. And kind of brushed it off. Several friends through out the year have been like, "Sarah, have you heard of Notre Dame De Paris? You would love it!" But I thought, silly people, I am way too busy loving last five years, in the heights and next to normal. Oh me of little faith- it had been quite some time since I'd had a new musical obsession. Guess it was about time. Man this one is so good. I have a new goal to learn french- or at least to memorize most of the lyrics and be able to pronounce/sing them enough to not make a total fool of myself.
So this is turning out to be quite the week of cooking, despite lack of funds. Saturday night, the predicted snow FINALLY showed up. A note on the differences of east coast snow driving and Utah snow driving- mainly, east coast, particularly Maryland snow driving, doesn't exist. The second they predict an inch, people buy milk and bread, and hunker down for this tiny bit of powder like it was the apocalypse. And if they do get caught out in the snow, its common to see people slide of the road, etc. Not so much in Utah- while the snow was coming down, I saw a recipe and decided that then, right exactly then, I needed to make pretzels. So I bundle up and go out to buy a few ingredients. The parking lot of the local grocery store is packed. I thought to myself- maybe people are preparing for the Utah apocalypse! No. People were buying ridiculous things like frosting, ice cream and flowers. Utah people are just nonplussed by the snow. But pretzels turned out well! The next item on my baking wish list is a drying rack. (Along with a donut pan- did you guys know they make those?!? Check it out.) The pretzels turned out a bit soggy on bottom, and thus stuck to parchment paper- if any of you ever have that problem, give up now. All you can do is peel it off. But even though they were missing a bit of bread on the bottom- they tasted great, with their beautiful, and beautifully easy jalapeno cheese dip. (Recipe here) And this is what they looked like!

(a bit blurry- too bad I don't live with Red and her 

beautiful beautiful camera)

The next night two more friends invite me to a dinner party- I volunteered to bring a dessert. I tore my house apart looking for dessert ( I am missing chocolate! I need candy coating, and baking chocolate and chocolate chips. Don't judge me.) But I found a great recipe for improving upon a store bought cake mix, which I had, and several store bought frostings. So I made this very good recipe for white cupcakes, and we made 6 different kinds of frosting with different syrups and extracts. 

From left to right- raspberry- bananna-lemon-chocolate almond and chocolate banana.

Cupcakes before

Cupcakes after. And frosting after.

Good times.

Things that make me happy this week-1. I finally finally got my EFY application done!

 2. I have beautiful wonderful supportive friends, who help me when I have sucky days.

3. The tailor lady says she might be able to fix my skirt. So- I zipped this skirt to the top of my waist, and then the metal piece broke off and the rest of the zipper came apart- so I couldn't zip it back down, and thus couldn't take it off. It was a disaster. But the tailor lady got it off me. And says she might be able to fix it.

4. Firefly. 'nuff said.

5. Some stores are bringing out their spring stuff. Hooray online window shopping!!

What a Week!

So rather than repent for my terrible lack of blogging sins, for the moment I will act like nothing happened, and just write about this week, because this week has been fairly eventful.
Events of this week- in ascending importance- (Not necessarily in how fun/enjoyable they were. Just in life changing-ness)

5. Lots, and lots and lots of dominion was played. With recent events, I have far too much free time, and far too many things to ponder over why I am a terrible, terrible person. But I have friends who understand this- or at least understand my driving desire to trump this free time with and fill my thoughts with this wonderful new game called Dominion! I bought a copy for my family for Christmas. But it is nice, to be back in the land of people where I am not the person who has played this game the longest, and where if my siblings win, usually they're cheating. Which sort of brings us too......

4. I was successfully social, even outside my friend group! Last weekend, there were two birthday parties, filled with people, food, fun, rockband and balloons within balloons! I had the time of my life at both. Sunday, there was church twice- a new ward for a farewell, and a party afterwards, than catching the last hour of sacrament at my ward. Then this week there was Family Home Evening- another mormon social event (at our age, a desperate plea for us to meet and actually talk to potential marriage partners. It works for some- some girls flirt at FHE- Lorilei and I randomly break into ballroom and say Rargurgurgle a lot. So less flirting for us) Oh! And also, threw a party of my own. There was food. Well, there was cake. This cake to be precise. Observe photos of cake below. It was my first attempt at a layer cake- I learned a lot of things for next time.

3. I finally, FINALLY set up my UVU audition! After trying and failing not one, not two but THREE unsuccessful email addresses, I finally found one that worked to reach head of music over there. Who, miraculously enough, is a man who transferred from our school last year, who knows me, and more importantly knows and I'm pretty sure likes my voice. Finally finally, lets take my career/ life plans OFF pause. 

2. I got glasses! For the first time in my life, I can see straight lines, and not just fuzzy blurs everywhere. I am trying to decide if I like it. I love it during performances, and while driving. I have no idea how I ever drove without them. But- I think they make me look kind of like a cute hipster hippopotamus. You be the judge! 

(Please ignore my tornado of a room in the background!!)  

1. I MET CHRISTIANE NOLL LAST NIGHT!!!
Ok- no one who is not an A plus broadway nerd will get this- but she is so cool. Like pass out talking to her because she's your hero and you've listened to her since you were twelve and she got to play one of your dream roles and sing that song on national television *has a mini hyperventilating session*
So my beautiful fabulous friend Julienne mentioned that the arts department was doing a gala last night. I probably would have gone even had Christiane Noll not been there. Lots of cool choir performances. Even if Dr. Evans changes the words so they fit USU and makes them ridiculously cheesy (We're rocking the Kent tonight..... Hey Logan, stay cool! Hey Aggies, You Rule!)  But then she came out, and just sang favorite, after favorite of mine. Everything from Waiting for Life to Begin from Once on This Island, to Defying Gravity to Once upon a Dream (From the role Emma, which she Originated!!! SHE IS ON MY ITUNES!! AH) to Back to before, one of my favorite musical theater songs of all time! She did Glitter and Be Gay from Candide- and introduced it by talking about how this american composer had written for both stage, opera and film. I leaned over to Julienne and whispered "Copland?" And she points right at me and says, "You! Your whispering, do you know who it is?" And I do not go completely blank because a broadway star just addressed me in front of two thousand people, no no! I manage to say, "Copland?" And she says no, Bernstein...  But the point is she talked to me! Ah! And beyond my obsession with her as a person, she talked to the students about their art- and about life as a musician. I stole the advice, cause even if I'm not a student at the moment, I am a young, very confused musician. Right before she sang Back to Before, she talked about how everything happens for a reason- take whatever opportunities you can find and run with them. And I suddenly understood my situation a little bit better. Utah State was great- but it was stressful. The program was highly competitive and they sing nothing but opera and classical. Even if I had graduated here- I would have done so as a half decent opera singer, and a nervous wreck. But at UVU- where the program is not as well known, and a little more casual- I could thrive. I could be happy and unstressed. And most importantly- I would be allowed to study Broadway music. My first love and I could be reunited! So between meeting a personal hero, and that tiny piece of probably divinely given clarity- this event tops the list. And then we went to Becca's and played more dominion :)

And I have decided to end my blogs with a suggestion from a friend. She suggested I keep a happy journal. Eventually I will probably get an actual cute little book, but because I'm poor right now, a digital log of things that bring me joy it is!

1. The and step we get in the rhumba we're dancing in ballroom team. Cause I could not have done that sliding door in just one count. But apparently, we get to sneak in a prep in "and one."... dancers'll get it. 

2. I left my favorite blue dress at home over christmas break- and mom just mailed it back to me. Because she loves me that much.

3. My mom. Because even if she is scared that now that I am twenty three and single and will never get married- she is super supportive and loving and gives good advice. And reminds me that she didn't get married til 25. I have two years!!! 

4. My little sister. Because one year later she is still keeping a blog called ten nice things, which I think is half an effort to try to keep in touch and half an effort to convince herself that she doesn't hate me. But- she forgives when I say mean and awful things to her. So I am grateful, and love Marin deeply. On that note- 

Bahaha. It brings me joy. Love you red!

Thanksgiving, Polka Dots and Kittens

So- I had a lovely thanksgiving break with my cousins family. She is married, and newly pregnant, so it was so great to see her, and her husband. They are a beautifully married couple, an example of the potential to bring happiness that marriage has. Her husband described it as “If anyone had told me how awesome marriage was when I was younger, I would have worked harder to get married sooner. I can't describe....the completion it brings”

And I met his mother, who enjoyed my style, and actually said “ I wish I could follow you around for a month and see what you wear!” I said, I have a blog! And thought...........I need to update that.

So! Todays first update in a while. The activities, choir, and voice lessons, some cyber monday Christmas shopping, and a fabulous, dinner, shopping and Breaking Dawn date. I am the luckiest girl alive!!! I have a boy, WILLING to take me to a twilight movie. He's pretty amazing, and his acceptance of cheesy chic flicks is the least of reasons why :)

Anyway- today's outfit!

Dress- Modcloth

Crinoline- Unique Vintage.

Necklace- Express

Sweater- Plato's closet.

Shoes- Amazon

I also have to introduce you to Meagans niece-

 

      This is Meagan's niece, and I LOVE her. She is absolutely the most fabulous and happy 5 year old that exists. In this picture, she is modeling my almost as fabulous recent fur coat acquisition. This camel and unknown animal fur collar is from a darling little retro store in Salt Lake called Retro rose- not a ton of clothes, more of an antique store, but quite a collection of coats. When I saw this one, I decided it was definitely something Jackie would wear, and I got it for quite a reasonable deal.

     But back to my little snow princess! We were all sitting around the dinner table one night, discussing things that explode in microwaves- I mentioned eggs, Meggy's husband mentioned CDs- his mom said "Potatoes will explode if you don't stab 'em first." And this little angel's father nodded and calmly adds, "So do kittens." Adults laugh a bit, but she turns to her father and with this appalled look and her face says, " DADDY! YOU MICROWAVED A KITTEN!?" He replied "No sweetie, I was joking." And she throws her arms around his neck and gives him a kiss and reassures the table, "Its ok guys!! He was just kidding!!" Kids are so cute. Maybe I could be a mom some day.

Comments and questions appreciated! Kisses!

Sarah

Really Logan? Really already?

So last week, I kept complaining that I wanted fall. I'm in Utah! 7,000 feet in the air, and it was late september, and it was 80 degrees at least in the middle of the day!! But I tried to make the best of it. My brand new best friend, Becca (I LOOOOVE her!!) and I went to our town's farmers market.

(Got all this- squash, zucchini, butternut squash, raspberries, spinach, flowers and jalapenos)

(All about 10 bucks. Beat that.) 

(Wore this. One of these days, I'll master the whole self camera shot thing. 

Tips anyone?)

     A lovely morning, then conference. Some beautiful beautiful talks. About hope, and God's love, being patient with his timing. About fathers loving their daughters- one of my favorite quotes from conference? " If your daughter is not home by curfew, GO GET HER!" I would have been MORTIFIED 5 years ago, but now, I see it would have solved a lot of problems, both to be taken out of some of those situations, and knowing someone cared enough to enforce their rules, rather than just being very very disappointed when I got home however late. They announced new temples, one in Provo, and the other in PARIS!!!!! OOOOOH I want to go so bad! Like, more than the rome one!!! The women of our church got the most beautiful talk from DF Uchdorf- good advice for all women. Be more patient with yourself. Don't compare the worst part of yourself to the best parts of others. To that point, don't compare at all. Remember to be happy now- enjoy your life as it is rather than waiting for some future goal or accomplishment. Then in the men's session- they got chewed out. A lot. It was funny. We talked about it today in my institute class- this is probably because when there is a problem, women assume it is their fault. Men blame some outside party. So we are told, "Your beautiful! We Love you! You are doing perfectly!" And men are told "Be better! Now! You are losers!" Ha. There is some justice.

    While the boys were getting yelled at, we had a gorgeous girls night. Snacks and nails and games and face-masks. Talked about a lot of things, some important some not. I brought a dark chocolate raspberry mousse, from the raspberries from the market- forgot to take pictures :( but it got raving reviews. 

     The next day, food was insane. Again, no pictures. No me juzcas people. Crazy breakfast- Becca brought cinnamon rolls, and bread. Fry an egg and soak the yolk in home made bread? Friggin delicious. And bacon. And 20 million kinds of juice. And banana chocolate chip whole wheat pancakes. With Canadian syrup! Its useful to have a new best friend from Alberta, eh? (Remember becca, your just a passport stamp to me :P)

     Then the dinner party. Oh my fricking gosh. Not the way I like to do it. I like to have everything ready BEFORE everyone gets there. But we got it together. Pasta, alfredo sauce and home made tomato sauce. Butternut squash(from market) risotto, cheesecake and a nice caesar salad. Bunches of people there. 'The Boss' even came from salt lake. Hoo-fricking-rah. 

     So week passes. Choir is lovely- tonight was great, I sang with Becks accompanying me on the harp. Worked very well. Then got home and was STARVING!!! So made more market vegetables w/ fresh mozzarella medallions and chicken. Fried it in extra-virgin olive oil, but next time think I'll bake it. But still really delicious. Had w/ fruit punch, then my second cup of hot chocolate of the day for dessert. Did I mention I ate ice cream while making everything? What? I was hungry. And, (about that title), today was FREEZING!!!! Oh my gosh, like 30 degrees! It kind of almost snowed!! What? But at last I can break out fall clothes- cute little jackets and neutral tones. 

(Summer squash, chicken and mozz., with a fresh spinach salad)

(Yay clothes! Got the polka dotty top and black/ nude lace shoes a few days ago

at Plato's closet w/ becca. All hail the great Plato's Closet! 

Jacket= from last year's birthday- modcloth

Pencil skirt= victoria's secret)