Therefore, as they were unfaithful they did not prosper nor progress in their journey, but were driven back, and incurred the displeasure of God upon them; and therefore they were smitten with famine and sore afflictions, to stir them up in remembrance of their duty.
Mosiah 1:17
If we are growing- we will always be out of our comfort zone.
John Maxwell.
So one would think that one would normally write a blog about progress and growth around new years. But really- why not around valentines day? In what aspect of life would progress be more welcome for most people?
Romance actually had very very little to do with my Valentines day this year. But progress, my hinderance and then eventual acceptance of it were definitely present. But lets go back a little-
So as you know, kind of depressed over christmas break. Depression on its own, though inarguably difficult- is passive. Is somewhat sluggish and reactive. Two days after I got back to school, and after a whirlwind academic counselor appointment- I found myself a psych major. After a couple voice lessons with my teacher (whom I love. And is fabulous. And gives me hope for my musical future) I was told that I never should have left musical theater- I just have that kind of voice- but I definitely have a talent for it. So what do we combine with depression? Anxiety! (And the shrink talk comes) I am a bit of an over achiever- any one who has met me knows that I am kind of extreme. So the second I got into psychology- I decided I would be the best at this major too. I would get only A's, be out in three semesters, be involved in research and the honors program and the psychology fraternity and have my masters track picked out with in a couple months. Holy overwhelming. So I would rock back and forth between days when I would work and work and try to get everything done, and days when I just couldn't face things- music would come and haunt me, or worry about the future would paralyze me into staying home and missing class. It sounds pretty sad I know- but I had my wonderful support system. I had roommates who not only loved me very much- but were very patient. A necessity when you live with an extreme and perhaps slightly over-dramatic and almost crazy person who had picked up some nasty coping habits. Between their support and some professional opinions- I can say that I have a lot more figured out then I did a month ago. (Yes I have plans for the future. No I do not have thoughts about hurting myself or others. Yes I have hope. (Only funny if you have been to a therapist))
So what progress have I made? I do have kind of a plan for a masters! Therapy- I don't want to work with rats- and I don't know how well I would do with clinically, actually, DSM worthy crazy people. But I could work with teenagers- like a school counselor. My friend recommended this book “reviving Ophelia” to me. I loved it. Like- life changing. If my roommate hadn't suggested this to me last semester- I would have never picked psychology. Even though I am not planning to be a high school teacher at the moment- this is another track in which I could help teenage girls.- Lord knows I had a rocky time of 12-.....now.....(which in some books is still defined as adolescence- 12-25! Adolescence lasts longer because people stay living at home or financially dependent- I am taking a developmental/adolescent psych class.) and I would love the chance to help other people through it. To become the answers in the back of the book to someone who needs it.
So also- I need to make a list of goals- like a bucket list, but one I will begin now in my twenties, and keep in every phase of my life. One of those is to go and eventually get a music degree- not sure if it will be musical theater or opera/choral yet. BUT- I am done with music for a while- please, please, no one suggest that I transfer and do musical theater- what would I do with it? Only thing to do with it is perform- and for that, I would have to loose like 20 pounds. And hell nor high water and certainly not depression could diminish my appetite or love of sweet things.
Going back to productive Saturday activities- This morning I took a walk to the temple, it was beautiful and peaceful. Also read 15 pages of Adolescent psych, and now am going to work on a couple papers. Wish me luck! As always, comments and questions welcome.
“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”
Mark Victor Hansen
Nice Thing- Marin is not a door matt. Growing up in our house with our mother- that is saying something. She stands up for herself- even to me. Rock out little sister. She is a fighter- even better- a defender. She is a sweet girl until you threaten those she loves- then God help you. I won't.
