Tender Mercies and the Borrowed Knight in Shining Armor.

Song that comes to mind at the moment-

I am amazed that He's aware of me

I am amazed to approach Him prayerfully

How painfully He loved me, oh how painfully

I am amazed at His tender mercies over me

So this has really been a heck of a week. I can't tell you why- just lots of little things. When you get to college- low self esteem doesn't disappear, but you usually have good ways to handle it. I don't know why, but my defense just sucked this week. One of the hard things about my personality, is that I put every one on a pedestal. To me- everyone is beautiful, everyone is talented and amazing in there own ways. Mr. Boss for example, lets call him- he has done so much- so so much- so accomplished, and brilliant, and a hard worker to compound it all, thus making him far, FAR above the curve for his age, and not a little intimidating. (He hates it when I call him those things....hey dude, just returning the favor <3) 
But I can never do that for myself. My room mate is sweet, and a saint- I am snarky and impatient and a perfectionist. My friends are GORGEOUS- like COULD BE VICTORIA"S SECRET MODEL kind of deal- I am neither fat nor thin, with hair that never wants to cooperate(I'm in utah- the place that doesn't have any humidity at all!! COME ON!) My choir friends are....oh my lanta don't get me started. All of the above, then talented...so talented...sing in front of thousands level of talented....make chambers level of talented....get their masters level of talented....AND YOUNGER THAN ME!!! I am fighting to stay in the program, with teachers who won't take me seriously, and a musical theater background(Not even a good one at that). But everything came to a head today- in all fairness, it is kind of ridiculous. I didn't get to see my current Romeo- and he didn't text me saying he missed seeing me, cause it always makes his day! and continuing to profess his undying love. (What? I don't base my self worth on looks, singing and boys! That would just be silly, Ha!(Continues to nervously laugh) ) So upset about that. A little bit, I still feel like an outsider in this amazing choir of mine. They get up and talk about their incredibly strong friendships with everyone....I wish I had more of that. I really do. Today got really bad. I thought for a brief, brief second of not coming back to the choir next semester- because one can only take so many days of being reminded how not-as-gorgeous- and not-as-spiritual you are. But then- not romeo, he's someone elses romeo- came charging in on a white horse and talked me through it. A little bit- I love it when boys are practical. Thats how I think- in extremes. In definable, practical, concrete, extremes. And he just spelled out why I am worth just as much as other LDV girls, and other things that I have to work on. See? Good practicality! (List of pros and cons of dating me? Also good practicality, but I don't think I'll ever ask to see it in future relationships.) 
Some good things of the week- we went down to sing at the fireside last night. Incredible, very spiritual experience. Here is the part I would post a link, if the CES system thought that it wasn't important to record the choir >:( But still cool. And got to see a good friend from high school, just got back from his mission. Oh heavens he is attractive. (JIC...hola moreno!) 
Also, got some good practicing in, sang in vocal recital hour, and in another good talk with my borrowed knight in shining armor- discovered that "Men are that they might have joy" Is a commandment. Not giddiness, not elation. But joy- contentment. If you see someone who is keeping the commandments, but doesn't have that joy, that inner peace- they are doing something wrong. It is not heavenly fathers fault- he is trying to make us happy. Very good talk. 
Also went grocery shopping- Oh dear sister. Oh people who are preparing for college- I wish there was something I could do to prepare you for that experience- but there's not much. Try to decide things you LIKE to eat, and things you NEED to eat. Things that you like so much will be gone the first day- usually not worth your money. The whole budget thing- I think that was my hardest part of college.
Nice thing about Marin- She's an artist. Like....holy hannah. I love the way she draws. Its realistic- but in a hopeless romantic way. I think we get that from our mother- but its kind of dead in her now. Thats ok mom! You might not be romantic anymore, but your legacy lives on in your daughters! Anyway- just really really good paintings and charcoals and pencils etc. I hope she turns out to be an art major. 
Oh yeah! And she does photography! She is a picnic MASTER! She makes a lot of my profile pictures.