Adoration

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Teenage Tragedy- Survivors perspective

Sorry- I never post twice in one day. But I felt really really impressed to talk about this. For people who want to disrespect me or my faith- this is not the place. For people of any faith who want to add comments or support- I would love it. Thank you so much.
This is my baby sister. In a way- its ridiculous how much I love and admire her, and how ridiciously beautiful, fun and talented she is. Also, brave and strong. She is from a conflicted background to say the very very least. We grew up in the same background of LDS vs. Theater. I let the negatives of theater get to me, while not drawing strength from the religion. Marin takes the peace and purpose of the religion and the creativity of the stage and melds them. She lifts everyone around her and often brings people closer to God- the best compliment I can give anyone. But- making her even more awesome- she is religious, without being ridiculously naive- which I unfortunately see a lot out here. She see's whats going on around her, and like everyone around her, wants to help. These photo's are her senior project (in Muggle studies.....yeah Mar.....) and I don't know exactly what purpose they serve- to shock? To raise awareness? To show that she hurts for these people, that she understands, even a little?


Anyway- Like I said, I know I never post twice in one day- but I felt so strongly about this tonight. My choir is doing a performance this weekend and next and I so wish she could see it. I really don't think my sister struggles with the doubts that I did in high school- no her head is on much straighter than mine was at her age. But there were a few moments that I almost lost it tonight- because there are so many girls like Marin, who just need occasional affirmations that they are loved and heard and that heavenly father has a plan for them. And there are others, like I was, who need our message so very much.
We have a few little kids in our show- just to say adorable little things like "I know Heavenly father exists, because there are ponies. And I love ponies. So Jesus loves me!" But this little girl, she must have been our sister Cherry's age, 5 maybe a little less. (Charity is not 5 any more- but she is forever that age in my brain. Like Marin is always 15. maybe 16.) Anyway, I digress. So almost-charity gets up and says " I know heavenly father loves me, and he hears my prayers." And I thought to myself- Dear God- let this little girl hold on to that knowledge- in 7 years when she faces the social cold war that is middle school- the nuclear threats of humiliation and self doubt and popularity contests. Let her hold onto this belief in eleven years when popularity begins to come with a price- will you drink this? Will you take this? Will you loose this much weight? Will you compromise your standards? If not, everyone will walk away from you. Lord- let her know how fiercely she is loved when she rejects the easy roads in high school. Let this girl hold onto this belief in seventeen years when she still doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up, and she is scared that she will live and die inconsequential and alone.
We sang a song called I am not Afraid. "In the wilderness of worry- in the desert of despair, in the never ending darkness when it feels like no one cares; I am not afraid, I am not alone. You hold me in your hand and will not let me go. Though the waters rise and though the winds may blow, I will not be afraid because I am not alone." To Marin and to all other highschool girls who are scared- (because, lets face it-14-....25? Does it stop then? Is just a scary period) You are not alone. You are never alone- you are loved, you are known. You need to know that not only does Christ live- he lives for and with you. He has suffered the depths of sorrow so you don't have to.
We sang lean on me- that was more fun than any thing else- psh. Like marin has ever had to lean on me. Ever. Pretty sure thats the other way around.
Then we sang "Beautiful to Him." And I just leaned against my friend and cried. Because I remember what it was like to be the girl in some of Marin's pictures. And how not beautiful- how worthless that felt. To be promised by the world, it didn't matter what you did, or what you took- your life was not worth enough for it to make a difference. Wrong! Wrong, oh so so wrong! Not only does the Lord love you- he is proud of you! He understands the struggle, the exhaustion that is your every day life- girls on the east coast- I feel your pain, and so does he. You know what it is to be in the depths, the very throes of the world. You know every curve ball and sucker punch Satan has to throw at you, and baby girl- you beat them. You are stronger than that. And if your not? You can be. He can make you that way, with nothing more than your willingness.
Anyway- I will get off my soap box right after bearing my testimony. In every trial- in every terrifying, life changing moment, the Lord is there loving and supporting you. You are not meant to be like the every day rabble who lives for nothing than moment to moment pleasure- you were meant for accomplishment and the purest love their is, both earthly and divine. And you were meant to help give that to others. I know he lives. He lives with me- even when my life is hard- it would be so much worse with out him, and when I let him, everything is better.
Love you Mar bear.

5 comments:

  1. I just wanted to say that I think you and your sister are amazing! Those pictures are really thought-provoking once you transcend the shock value and see the deeper meaning behind the images. In thinking on those messages, I am saddened to think of the masquerade that so many young women put on each day to escape the ridicule that plagues the high school environment. As a psychology person, I've studied many of the things depicted, and can sympathize with those who suffer them. To any girls out there who feel the urge to be accepted, I want you to know that I've felt that too. Know that you are not alone, and that there are people, like me, who do care, as well as a loving Father above whose heart aches for your hurt. Know that true beauty is not skin deep, but originates in the soul, and that true power comes from that beauty based in purity. Each woman has this power within her, even if it takes a while to discover, but it is there. Know that you are loved, and that there are people who want to help you succeed, and that you CAN succeed. Search for the beauty within, and when you find it, it won't matter what the world thinks, for you will know you are beautiful, and others who have also discovered their inner beauty will recognize you as one of them. It takes time, and it is a constant process, but it is possible. And believe me, it is completely worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. My name is Elder Kenneth Knudson. This is my family, and I could not be any prouder of them and who they are. I love them very much, and understand the trials and heartache that face them and those around them. As one of Jesus Christ servants I testify that he knows his children by name, that he loves them, and is always reaching out to gather them in with his arms of mercy. Last week, the man with whom we live prayed with us for the first time. He concluded with the words, "just let us know you are there." As he closed, i felt his spirit like a warm peace deep in my heart. I know that he is always a prayer away. There has never been a greater need to open the lines of communiction with him than in times of trouble. Talk to him, he will here. Listen, he speaks today and always.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is my fabulous friend Julienne
    "There is more to life than pain. There is a price to being an artist, and it is exacted in stress, loss, frustration, self-depreciation, anger, and pain. That is what allows us to be great artists. It is what makes us sympathetic, what gives us the ability to touch other's lives, what makes us human. But it is also what makes it so easy for us to fall into the trap of believing that there is no more to life than what we put on stage or capture on the camera's lens. We forget that there is more to life than that. We forget about laughter, sympathy, accomplishment, pride, satisfaction, silliness, and love. In short, we forget about God. My message to you is this: Never forget how much God loves you. He doesn't care how many auditions you bomb, or how many paintings you can't get right. He doesn't care how many times you forgot to practice, or how nasty you were to someone who upset you after a stressful rehearsal. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you ought to look, sound, or be like. It makes no difference if you've felt incompetent or unworthy, if you've been afraid of Him or angry at Him, or avoiding Him. He loves you, just the way you are, right now, at this moment in time. He will help you through. He will take the hard times, the dark spots, our failures and our insecurities, and He will make something beautiful out of them, if we will just let Him in. Never forget, you are beautiful to Him."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for that message Sarah. I think everybody needs to know those things, and it's not just the teenagers that have to be reminded. It may be true that we go to church and hear the same old thing every week, but there's a reason for that. We NEED it. Kids need it, teens need it, adults need it. We need to be reminded constantly that we are not alone. We were not sent away from our Heavenly Father's presence to be alone, we are here so that he can keep teaching us how not alone we are. He does know us. We often feel so different from one another, but we all need the same things. Sometimes the difference is in how we need them, and He knows the best ways to remind us individually of His love. Marin's pictures are a very powerful perception of the messages of this world. Have you heard Pink's song, Perfect? The pictures remind me of her music video. I think that song has a great message that we all need.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just have to say that, Sarah, you are such an amazing girl. I hope you know that! I am so grateful for this post, for the knowledge that I have that my Heavenly Father loves me, and that He knows exactly who I am. I know He loves all of His children, and He knows who they are and their full and awe-inspiring potential to become Kings and Queens in the kingdom of Heaven. He sees the Holiness in every one of us, and we are beautiful to Him. He created every one of us PERFECTLY. He is our God and He does not make mistakes. I know He is always listening, always eagerly awaiting our prayers and talks with Him, as He is eagerly awaiting our return to Him. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know He is there to comfort us and I know that as we turn to Him and to our Father in Heaven, we will find peace, comfort, light, and strength. This is where we find who we are. This is where we discover that we are children of the most powerful, kind, and loving being in the universe. I testify of these things and pray with all my heart for those girls and other struggling to come unto Christ and feel of His pure love in His name, Jesus Christ, Amen.

    ReplyDelete